I’ve been in London for three years now. I arrived as a humble northerner, and have had to adapt to the rush and rules of London life! So, I’d like to share with you the main jists of what I’ve picked up… in the hope you can get there even quicker – enjoy!

  1. Work on that phone voice – no matter how indignant you are at having to change your delightful twang, people will just have you repeating things over and over, or worse, try to replicate you accent.
  2. Delete these two words from your vocabulary – ‘how’ and ‘much’ (and the intonation at the end).
  3. Make an Ocado account – you won’t be ‘nipping to the shop’ willy nilly anymore.
  4. Suss out some more rural (zone 3 onwards) locations you can take the parents when they’re visiting so they stop telling everyone you live ‘near Leicester Square’.
  5. Learn that it’s ok that Netflix comes above any form of outdoor, physical exercise.
  6. Learn the back routes for your regular routes to save tripping up over tourists, or tripping up rushed commuters yourself.
  7. Test out a variety of commute routes to see if you can avoid the Central line.
  8. The only apps you will need: Tube App, Citymapper, National Rail, TripAdvisor, Uber and Fever.
  9. Remember to get a Time Out on Tuesday to help plan the rest of your week out – otherwise you’re going to be mighty bored.
  10. Every day in London is a dress down day – no heels here please girls and only guys in recruitment and estate agents wear suits.
  11. Stock up on any new Netflix series’, Bake Off, Apprentice and X Factor so you can be involved in office conversations.
  12. Don’t get excited when you see celebs in the street. Walk calmly back to the office, make sure the door is closed, then yell “YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHO I JUST SAW.”
  13. Why not make the celeb spot into a game of 20 questions to play with the colleagues?
  14. Going to the gym to sit in the Jacuzzi and Sauna for an hour constitutes going to the gym.
  15. Thursday is the new Friday. No-one expects anything from you in the office on Friday.
  16. The cleaners, receptions etc at the office are you friend. Learn who to befriend for that day you forget your fob.
  17. The Daily Mail ‘Sidebar of Shame’ is a legitimate source to reference.
  18. Oh and, for heaven’s sake, wait on the right and walk on the left!

 

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